Category Archives: habits


three cookie syndrome

Three Cookie Syndrome

We're just past the holiday season and a lot of people are re-examining their eating habits. As I'm working with clients we have one habit that they all seem to be engaging in so I wanted to take a moment to address it.

It's a phenomenon that hits our subconscious when we are eating, especially when we are eating treats of some kind.

I call it the three cookie syndrome. It goes something like this:

  •  you decide to eat cookies 
  •  you open the package of cookies and see a serving size is two cookies 
  •  you eat three cookies 
  •  a little overwhelmed you say to yourself, “what the hell, I ate three cookies.” and then go on to finish the entire sleeve (or half a box, or some overwhelming percentage of the package).

For many people this is the beginning of the downward spiral that can signal the end of a diet or a change to eating plans. They give up, feeling that they are a failure, and feed themselves negative emotions and messages while not paying attention to their eating.

Breaking the Cycle

cookies

Rather than allowing the consumption of an entire sleeve of cookies (admittedly not the best choice) to overwhelm us it is more constructive to simply acknowledge that we have veered off the path of our eating plan.

Instead of wallowing in guilt or other negative feelings we need to remind ourselves that it's not an all or nothing proposition.  

We can start again to rebuild our nutritional plan and to focus on making healthy choices. Sometimes that focus can come in the middle of that sleeve of cookies. Sometimes it happens immediately afterwards, more often it happens the next day.

Embracing Healthy Choices

Eating well, eating to nourish and support our bodies means loving and accepting ourselves. Garfield says “Diet is die with a t on the end of it.” Rather than looking at our desire to change our food choices as a diet it does help to look at it as a nutritional plan. To remember that we are choosing to make different choices because those choices are supportive for our bodies.

For those who have an illness such as celiac disease, or a food sensitivity, eating those foods brings a fairly immediate negative body response. So we don't do that.

For those who are choosing to make changes, it sometimes happens gradually. However it's never too late to start to make those changes.

Simply remember what the goal is and why you are making these choices.  Treat yourself with loving kindness and take it one step at a time.

 

National Caregiver’s Month – Part 4

November is National Caregiver's Month. A time to focus on those who care for others, especially if that caregiver is ourselves. Dr. Vicki Bradley has created Self-Care Reminders for Caring Professionals and Family Caregivers to focus on those very special people. Part one of this series can be found here, part two here, and part three here.


But when can we care for ourselves?

I have been asked this question several times and I have an answer. We can care for ourselves now, all the time, and while we care for others. All we need to do is redefine self-care. The most helpful definition of self-care is to consider everything we do for ourselves as self-care. So, for example, the way we eat, sleep, breathe, and walk can all be ways to care for ourselves.

The following two self-care reflections are simple metaphors to encourage us to care for ourselves while we care for others. Both reflections are adapted from my book, Self-Care Reflections.

The Dance of Self and Other Care

We need to take care of us while we are taking care of them. We cannot wait until we have some free time or a vacation. We need to care for ourselves now.

We can use the metaphor of a dance to visualize caring for them and us during each day. In a dance, let's say a dance with two partners, the couple steps forward and, then, back – over and over again.

In the “dance” of self and other care, we make choices all day, every day to take care of them and us. One dance step is a movement to help ourselves. The next step is a movement to help them. We can dance through our day!

How will your daily dance steps reflect your self-care?

The Tapestry of Self-Care and Other-Care 

Most information about self-care emphasizes self-care as “taking a break” (getting away from) and “venting” (talking) about the persons in our care. The underlying belief seems to be that we cannot take care of ourselves unless we separate ourselves from the persons in our care.

“Taking breaks” and “venting” can be helpful. However, self-care needs to be an ongoing interwoven part of our lives and our days – similar to weaving a tapestry.

Weaving is an art that intertwines multiple threads to form the whole fabric. Weaving together our self-care with the care of others is also an art. Our focus on both the care of ourselves and others becomes the fabric of our lives. 

How will you weave the fabric of your life to include self-care and other-care?

The mission of Self-Care Reminders is to encourage caring professionals and family caregivers to care for ourselves, so we can better care for others (and we'll be happier, too). Contact Vicki to purchase the book Self-Care Reflections, a set of Self-Care Option Cards, or to schedule a “Filling up Our Wells” workshop.

National Caregiver’s Month – Part 3

November is National Caregiver's Month. A time to focus on those who care for others, especially if that caregiver is ourselves. Dr. Vicki Bradley has created Self-Care Reminders for Caring Professionals and Family Caregivers to focus on those very special people. Part one of this series can be found here and part two here.

Have you ever felt like this (I have!) 

It makes sense to take good care of ourselves, so we can take better care of our family members. But what if we feel trapped? We may be looking at all those people who are not family caregivers. They don’t seem to struggle with self-care! And, then how do we manage this self-care thing, any way! Our family members may seem to need us so much that there doesn’t seem to be time for anything else.

I have two reflections that might help you. I know they have helped me. I call them “No Comparison” and “Self-Care as a State of Mind.” Both reflections are adapted from my book, Self-Care Reflections. 

No Comparison

Many of us need to “think for them.” In other words, we may need to help people in our care be safe and accomplish multiple tasks. We often need to think about how to do these things for them. “Thinking for them” generally becomes a normal part of our everyday lives.

However, “thinking for them” adds an extra layer of mental activity to our lives. Imagine a day or a week or a lifetime without “thinking for them.” No, wait! Whose life would that be anyway! We need to be kind to ourselves. If we compare our achievements to another's achievements, then we need to take into account the extra layer of mental work we do as we “think for them.” Often, because we are caregivers, we have accomplished more than most people in our everyday lives.

How will you acknowledge your giving achievements?

“Self-Care” as a State of Mind

If I limit my thoughts about “taking care of me” to just specific actions, then it is like turning on and off a switch: “now I am caring for me” to “now I am not caring for me.” For example, “now I am taking time for me” but “now I am washing dishes.”

If, instead, my attitude is that I am always doing my best to “take care of me” then I feel more taken care of – by me. I am more aware of how I act in ways that are caring to me.

For example: I am “taking care of me” when I am washing dishes. It's not a vacation, but I care enough for me so that I have clean dishes.

How will you become aware of all the ways you care for you all day – every day?

The mission of Self-Care Reminders is to encourage caring professionals and family caregivers to care for ourselves, so we can better care for others (and we'll be happier, too). Contact Vicki to purchase the book Self-Care Reflections, a set of Self-Care Option Cards, or to schedule a “Filling up Our Wells” workshop.

National Caregiver’s Month – Part 2

November is National Caregiver's Month. A time to focus on those who care for others, especially if that caregiver is ourselves. Dr. Vicki Bradley has created Self-Care Reminders for Caring Professionals and Family Caregivers to focus on those very special people. Part one of this series can be found here.

We may need a reminder to encourage self-care:

Most of us who are family caregivers know that when we feel exhausted, grouchy, or sick, then we really cannot care well for our family members. Only when we take good care of ourselves can we truly care well for them. Imagine asking someone to use a broken wheelchair or learn in a schoolroom with no books. When we do not take good care of ourselves, we are offering our family members a broken inadequate caregiver.

Below are two self-care reflections. The first reflection encourages us to think of all the ways we can care for ourselves. The second suggests a simple way to put our self-care into action. Both reflections are adapted from my book, Self-Care Reflections.

Physically-Mentally-Emotionally-Spiritually

One common way to think of our “selves” is to divide the self into four “parts” – the physical (our bodies), the mental (our minds), the emotional (our feelings), and the spiritual (our souls). To care for ourselves well, we need to care for all four parts of ourselves – our bodies, our minds, our feelings, and our souls.

Caring for All the Parts of Ourselves 

Physically – how we move our bodies, eat, and drink

Mentally – how we think and learn 

Emotionally – how we acknowledge and share our feelings

Spiritually – what we believe and how we live our beliefs

What are ways that you care for the parts of yourself?

Implementing Self-Care Ideas

How can we implement self-care ideas? We may have great ideas and wonderful intentions, but we may be unsure of how to make our ideas become reality. It may seem too difficult to do these things.

If someone else asked for our help, we would probably do our best to help them. We can find a way to help ourselves, too.

To take care of ourselves, we can ask the same kinds of questions we may ask about another person who needs help: What do they (I) need? How can I help them (myself) get their (my) needs met?

With practice, we can learn to implement really big and everyday small self-care ideas. Just like we don't give up on others, let's stick with it for us!

How will you implement your self-care ideas?

The mission of Self-Care Reminders is to encourage caring professionals and family caregivers to care for ourselves, so we can better care for others (and we'll be happier, too). Contact Vicki to purchase the book Self-Care Reflections, a set of Self-Care Option Cards, or to schedule a “Filling up Our Wells” workshop.

National Caregiver’s Month – Part 1

November is National Caregiver's Month.  A time to focus on those who care for others, expecially if that caregiver is ourselves.  Dr. Vicki Bradley has created Self-Care Reminders for Caring Professionals and Family Caregivers to focus on those very special people.  She has generously offered to write a four-part series about self-care and we'll be sharing it on the blog throughout the month.  

“Filling up Our Giving Wells”

The metaphor of a Well has helped hundreds of people in my workshops (and me!) imagine caring for ourselves, so we can better care for others. This is the way it works: If our Wells are empty, then we don’t have much to give to others. If our Wells are full, then we can do great things for them. And, by the way, we have also found that caring for ourselves makes us happier, too! The following two self-care reflections use the Well metaphor to encourage caregiver self-care. Both reflections are adapted from my book, Self-Care Reflections.

Continuum of Self-Care

I offer the following options as a way to assess our own self-care. Remember, our family members need us (and we’re worth it). Our self-care matters!

“Empty Well” – Loss of Self
Signs – No good well-filling ideas; belief that there is no time to care for self
Feelings – resentful, depressed, pessimistic

“Half Full Well” – Struggling to Care for Self
Signs – May have good self-care ideas, but difficult to implement or remember
Feelings – tired, cranky, overwhelmed

“Full Well” – Self-Caring
Signs – “Self-care” flows in and “giving” flows out in equal measure
Feelings – grateful, happy

Where are you on the continuum of self-care?
If you want a “fuller Well” keep reading . . .

Tiny Buckets We may be worried that taking care of ourselves will be too time-consuming or difficult. However, some of the simplest ways to refill our Wells can be thought of as “tiny buckets.” Tiny buckets do not carry much water, but they are easy to carry. In other words, we can easily do simple things each day to care for ourselves. For example, I love being prepared to write at a moment’s notice. I really do like to write. A technologically-advanced gadget cannot fill this role in my life. I keep pens and scratch paper everywhere – on my desk, on the kitchen table, in my purse, and in my car. Any time I have an idea or remember something I need to do, I just write it down. I have a system that works for me. This “tiny bucket” really makes me feel good! Small things don’t take much time and can easily become part of our routine. Small ways of caring for ourselves can be easily implemented. All of the small ways to care for ourselves do add up to a fuller Well!

What are your “tiny buckets”?

The mission of Self-Care Reminders is to encourage caring professionals and family caregivers to care for ourselves, so we can better care for others (and we'll be happier, too). Contact Vicki to purchase the book Self-Care Reflections, or a set of Self-Care Option Cards, or to schedule a “Filling up Our Wells” workshop.

Quitting Smoking (the Holistic Way)

The Great American Smokeout is on November 15th this year.  Created in 1977, this is a day set aside as a national effort toward encouraging and supporting people to quit smoking.  Today's article is written by Alex Kerwin, a creative writer from Michigan.  In addition to his work as a guest writer, Alex works closely with Best Drug Rehabilitation, helping people find drug rehab programs to aid in their recovery.

There are plenty of studies linking cigarettes to various diseases and health problems, and many people have surely witnessed disturbing ads on TV, which illustrate the dangers of cigarettes by featuring former smokers who use tracheotomy devices to speak or bear scars from removal of a diseased lung. It’s clear that smoking is bad for our health. This increased awareness hopefully sparks more people to quit the habit, but the process is no doubt a test of determination and will power. Focusing on a holistic plan that emphasizes nutrition and exercise can help ease the process of kicking cigarettes to the curb—for good.

Many smokers fear that quitting will cause weight gain. Smoking cigarettes burns an extra 200-250 calories per day, depending on the number of cigarettes and the smoker. This can slightly elevate their metabolism. Nicotine also acts an appetite suppressant, so smokers tend to eat less. Quitting smoking can easily pack on the pounds for smokers who grab a cigarette because they’re stressed or want to feel calm. They may replace smoking with food, and since starchy and sweet foods that are high in carbohydrates increase serotonin levels, just like nicotine, quitters-in-progress can make the mistake of turning to unhealthy foods to get a similar fix.

In 2007, Duke University Medical Center conducted a study that showed dairy products, vegetables and fruits can help break the smoking habit. Nineteen percent of participants reported that dairy products worsened the taste of cigarettes, 14 percent had a similar effect with non-caffeinated beverages, and 16 percent reported the effect with vegetables and fruits. However, alcohol, caffeinated beverages and even meat, enhanced the flavor of cigarettes.

With the average person gaining four to ten pounds after quitting smoking, choosing low-glycemic foods that are filling and help regulate blood sugar levels can help control weight. Foods rich in fiber, such as fruits, vegetables, and nuts, along with lean, protein-rich sources such as beans, fish and egg whites, can result in a satisfying meal that’s low in bad fats and high cholesterol. Providing the body with proper nutrition from natural foods boosts antioxidants, aiding the immune system that might have been damaged by smoking.

Smoking is both physically and emotionally addictive, which only increases the difficulty of quitting. However, a smoker can choose from several options to help gain support in their journey. Consulting a doctor on a regular basis to help with exercise and nutrition plans or joining a support group can aid in recovery. Choosing to participate in a holistic drug rehab program is also beneficial, as these programs emphasize a detoxification process through proper nutrition, exercise, and spiritual exploration to help understand emotions and deal with stress. By discovering what led the person to smoke in the first place, they might be less likely to relapse and start again.

It's important to remember that quitting is a process—be patient with your body and allow it to detoxify the natural way. Avoid crash diets and give your body time to restore its balance so it can provide for you in the future. By getting in tune with your body and your mind, you’ll appreciate the benefits of quitting smoking even more and realize that cigarettes are part of a problem, not a solution.

photo: Challiyil Eswaramangalath Vipin

Updating Pbj

When I was a kid one of my favorite sandwiches was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  My preferred version was the ones I got at my friend Donna's house where her mom used a creamy peanut butter.  I don't remember the brand but I remember preferring it to the all natural, fresh ground peanut butter we had at home.  She also used squishy white bread (probably Wonderbread) which I never got at home and adored.   Donna and I would make our sandwiches with enormous amounts of peanut butter and a large heaping of jelly (usually grape) oozing out of the edges of the sandwich.  We would lick the edges to “clean it up” and then bite into a sandwich so thick and sticky that our mouths were somewhat gummed shut.

Over time my tastes have changed and that pbj has gone through several modifications over the years.  At one point I was making ezekiel bread; grinding the grains and legumes myself to make the flour before I baked the bread.  This deliciously robust-flavored bread happens to make a fabulous, filling choice.  I also, over time, lowered the amount of sugar, salt, and added fat in my peanut butter by making different choices.  Then, eventually, I switched altogether and began to use fresh ground almond butter from the machine at my grocery store.  I find it amusing that although I thought the fresh ground peanut butter of my youth was not that good, I've come full circle and now love the crunchiness and true flavor of fresh ground nut butter.  And while I love jam it's usually either handmade or a purchase that is whole fruit, no added sugar or other chemical ingredients.  But even that has now changed and I often find myself mashing up fresh berries with a tiny drizzle of honey as the “jelly” in my sandwich.

These days, due to digestive challenges, I find I do better avoiding gluten and so, unable to, as yet, make a good gluten free ezekiel-style bread I am using a brown rice bread which is very satisfying.  But I've changed the sandwich again and now often have it open face using one slice of bread, some almond butter (just almonds, nothing else), a few mashed berries, that drizzle of honey and it's just as satisfying and comforting as the pbj of my youth.

I suspect that because the changes were gradual and because they were choices that I made, this seems perfectly reasonable to me.  I'm equally certain that if I had abruptly changed from that fluffy air bread, sugar-laden, oily peanut butter, and over-processed grape jelly to today's version I would not have been a happy camper.   While I know it's not the sandwich of my youth, it's what I reach for when I want that kind of food.

Our food is what we think of it and how we see those emotional connections and associations.  What have you changed and yet it's still the same?

photo: Renee Comet

Take Back Your Kitchen

I was talking with a friend of mine who recently moved to this area.  She was stunned to discover how many people don't cook.  It seemed very strange to her that so many eat out almost all the time or purchase prepared “convenience” foods.  I think this is something which is happening not just where we live but all over the country.

While I no longer cook the way I used to when I had three small children at home, I do cook on a regular basis.  In prior days I cooked a lot, every day.  I still cook a lot but the meals tend to be simpler and less involved.  I still use my slow cooker frequently however instead of feeding five it now feeds two to three with leftovers, a bonus as far as I am concerned.  A hearty pot of soup, a tasty stew, these are all so easy, delicious and nourishing.  And the leftovers are perfect for our current lifestyle.

I believe that just about anyone who walks into a house fragrant with the smells of a roasting chicken  or a robust ragout will comment on how delicious that house smells.  We know good food when we smell it, we just think we can cut corners to make it.

We've been sold a bill of goods about food and sacrificing “convenience” for time.  I believe it's a myth.  There are things that you can do to make your time in the kitchen faster or less involved.  But there's no way that you can convince me that prepared foods in a box or a can are “just like homemade.”  Especially after you read the label and see how many non-food items are in that package.  I also find that in spite of the rising cost of groceries your food dollars are well spent when you buy the ingredients for homemade wholesome food.

Additionally most of us have forgotten how to cook.  A lot of people have lost the native understanding of how flavors go together, how spices work, what constitutes the basics of culinary knowledge.  One of my biggest joys right now is watching my two older daughters taking their culinary knowledge to the next level.  Working together with them in the kitchen or enjoying a fabulous meal that they have made from scratch.  Sharing my cooking knowledge with them as they add their own twist to a dish or develop their own culinary style.

Just because you don't cook doesn't mean that these skills can't be relearned and you can't take back your kitchen.  You can.  And not only will it taste better and, I believe, be better for you, you're nourishing more that just your belly.  There's something intrinsic about cooking and eating something that you have prepared yourself that quite simply nourishes the soul.

Here are a few simple, easy recipes that I have created which you can easily prepare at home:

Breakfast Quiche Muffins – these can be made in muffin form and frozen until needed.  Or you can make it as a quiche and serve it for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.  You need to adjust the time as it will take longer to cook if you cook it in a pie pan as a large quiche.

Black Bean Casserole – this is a great dish to serve as is with lots of steamed veggies on the side.  But the leftovers are also fabulous for topping on salads, baked potatoes (with my salsa recipe), they also stand on their own reheated as leftovers very nicely.

Peas-y Peas and Celery – this is a fabulous side dish, easy to make and absolutely delicious.

For true kitchen basics here are some videos:

Giada DeLaurentis' Tomato Sauce – this is a basic sauce that goes with pasta, chicken, beef, and is very versatile

Mark Bittman's Roasted Tomato Soup – because nothing says comfort food like a good bowl of homemade tomato soup.  This is the deluxe version and totally worth making

Homemade Chili – a classic comfort food it's always good to know how to make this

Bechamel Sauce – a white sauce a basic foundation for many different uses

Paula Deen's Macaroni and Cheese – once you start making homemade you'll never want the boxed stuff again.  Be warned though this is a treat food and needs to be served as a side dish not the entree

Jill Sanpietro's Basic Pizza – much better than store bought and easier to make it just the way you like it

Whole food cooking doesn't have to be expensive.

meditation

Meditation For Children (and Adults)

May is National Meditation Month. Recently I saw this article online, Why Our Children Should Be Taught To Meditate In School.  This falls into the ‘why didn't I think of that' category.  If I had known or thought about this I would have encouraged my children to learn how to meditate when they were younger.

Moving faster

In our ever-increasing-speed society children are being encouraged toward more distractibility, more tools, more stimulation.  There's no down time.   Although he never really said it, Gandhi is attributed with saying, “There's more to life than increasing it's speed.”  Whether Gandhi said it or not it is a valuable sentiment.  Somehow, unfortunately, I don't think our modern society is listening.

Everywhere we turn we are surrounded by messages that urge us to move faster, be more productive, encourage speed over mindfulness. There's even a saying that highlights this point…”That's so [insert number] seconds ago.”  I know it's meant to be amusing but it highlights the problem that we face staying focused in our daily lives.  Everything is presented as needing to be instant, now, online, immediately.  It's no wonder that rates of hypertension are rising among our young people.  They're being stressed, pressured, and sped up beyond reasonable limits.  I personally believe this to be true for adults also.

Slowing down

Instead of joining in to the overwhelming frenzy for fast everything,  perhaps we need to re-evaluate things and slow down just a bit.  If we taught kids how to meditate in school it's possible that their minds could stop spinning to frantically.  They could learn how to recenter themselves and focus.  And what a great tool to be able to take forward into adulthood.

Part of the problem is that those stressful and overwhelmed feelings don't stop just because we become adults. Indeed for some adults it's even worse. And we do it to ourselves. We allow ourselves to be sucked into the pressures and the stress that leave us feeling overwhelmed. What if instead of giving in we slowed  down. What if we made a choice to make a change?  For those of us who are already adults and feeling overwhelmed?  Stop for a moment.  Take a few deep breaths.  That in and of itself is a good beginning.  Need some guided resources?  Below are a few to get you started

Meditation Resources

       Websites:

       Audio:
       DVDs:

      APPs:

  • Calm – Meditation to Relax, Focus, and Sleep Better
  • Headspace – Guided Meditation and Mindfulness
Treasure those small quiet moments.  Seek them out.  Teach your children to do the same.  I think the world will be a better place if we do.
 

 

Eating More

I recently got asked the question, “How do I eat more fruit and veggies, I don't think I'm eating enough?”  That's a good question.  And one that's faced by a lot of people.  Especially parents who are trying to encourage their children to eat a healthier diet.

One of the best ways I have found to encourage people to eat more fruits and vegetables is to have them on hand and convenient.  This means they are not in your fridge just rotting in the bottom of your crisper drawer.  I frequently encourage people to cut them up, prepare and make containers.  Set them out on the shelf in your fridge and it's a grab-and-go snack.  They can either be sorted by type of food or you can make “snack packs” with an assortment.  Either way if you're in the mood to munch and you open the fridge door to see a convient snack right there you may find yourself eating more healthy choices.

Another way is to add veggies to other foods.  You would not believe what gets added to my homemade spaghetti sauce.  Add shredded veggies to a lasagna.  Double the veggies in your omelette or frittata.  What about soups?  Loaded with pureed veggies, especially if it's a creamy style soup base is an easy way to boost your veggie intake without trying very hard.  The trick is to make sure that you put in things that will not overwhelm your soup.  Sharper tasting foods such as cruciferous vegetables (cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli, etc) or onions may not appeal to some.  Mucilaginous textured foods such as okra may not appeal to others.  Experiment and be mindful of what you are adding in.

Choose seasonal fruits and vegetables.  I can't stress this enough.  A tomato in season and from a farmer's market (if possible) tastes like the most delicious, amazing thing.  A tomato in the middle of winter with a waxy coating tastes like cardboard.  When foods are in season, and hopefully local, they are picked close to ripeness.  Otherwise they may be picked early, stored, and then force ripened with ethylene gas.  This forced ripening does not allow the flavor to come through, it just makes it look ripe.  If you're eating unappealing, non-tasty fruits and vegetables it does not encourage you to want to eat more.  As a side benefit, you really appreciate things when you can only have them in season.

Make different choices when you eat out.  There are tasty ways to add more veggies to your diet when you are eating out which allow you to still enjoy your dining experience but avoid getting bogged down by the simple carbs and other unhealthy choices.

Skip the juice and eat the fruit.  Did you know that it takes an average of 4 oranges to make 8 ounces of orange juice?  That's a lot of sugar and those extra calories add up pretty quickly.  It would be pretty difficult to eat four oranges in one sitting.  However each orange you eat comes with a significant amount of fiber which helps to slow down the glycemic effect.  The same is true for other juices.  Switch your juice to water (add a few slices of fruit for flavor if you like) and eat the fruit instead.

Keep a food journal.  An 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper folded into quarters gives you 8 spots to write down what you eat each day.  If you're looking to increase things like water consumption (always a good idea) and fruits and veggies set a goal for yourself and then keep track of it.  By looking back over the week you'll be able to see if you're meeting your goal and where you can make changes to increase your consumption a little at a time.

Small changes add up over time.  By making one or two adjustments you may soon find yourself eating more healthy fruits and veggies.